Gladiator - ( 8 / 10 )

Director: Ridley Scott

Starring: Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Richard Harris, Oliver Reed.

Perhaps the first great movie of the new millenium, probably.....yes. The sword and sandal epics that had so dearly been missing since the 60's, returned with a bang in 2000. The film was garnished with five oscars, which included a nod for Crowe as Maximus, the films hero. The story, in case you have been serving time over the last 7 years in Parkhurst for below average burglary, is that the emperor of Rome is hoping his favourite leader, instead of his son, will follow his legacy, and be a great ruler of Rome. The son, played by Waqkeen Feenix (he should change it to that) is intending that his father will pass leadership on to him, although it looks to be going all tits up for him, when he gets word that Big Max is first in line. It's like being Wayne Bridge at Chelsea with Ashley Cole signing the dotted line. Your in trouble. Waqkeen gets up tight, does the usual stuff like murder his dad, and then he tries to pop Big Max off too. Max is too smart though, and escapes. He heads to find his family murdered, and then ensues a big roller coaster of revenge aimed at Waqkeen, for taking away his nights of playing football with his son, and having an early night with the mrs.

Max goes to Rome, and there he is turned from being called 'The Spaniard' (I can't remember why he's called that) into being 'Gladiator'. He is trained by the awesome Oliver Reed, who sadly died during the making of the movie. They used brilliant CGI to finish his scenes. Good job it wasn't done by Peter Jackson, or Oliver would probably have had green skin, eight limbs and been voiced by Dot Cotton. I digress. He becomes the best Gladiator in town, also known as Rome, and is confronted by Waqkeen in the colloseum. The Waq looks like a kid that was picked on in my primary school, with his cleft palate, so it's hard for me to take him seriously, but this will not affect your viewing pleasure. I realise this constituted bullying, and am not proud of myself. He brought it on himself, they always do. Where was I? Ah yes.........The Waq thought Big Max was dead and can't believe he is as hard to kill as Steven Sea Gull. He keeps him alive, but the son has powerful allies, and in the end Big Max is captured and chained up. No, not like that.

The Waq's sister, who is pretty hot by the way, fancies a slice of Max, even since they were small. The Waq also fancies his sister, which is obviously wrong, although as I said, she is pretty hot, so it's all good. When in Rome........
The sister helps Max escape with the input from a few old blokes who love talking politics. He is set up however, and has one option.....he must fight The Waq, in the colloseum, one on one. It's like Tyson v Bruno. Only one man could ever win, but the cheating Waq cuts Big Max, so the fight is more even. I won't give the ending away in case by some bizarre manor you haven't seen it, but I will say that blue camels were a bad idea, especially doing that to each other.

This film has some brilliant action sequences in it. In fact, I would say they are close to the best I have seen in cinema, although I personally think that the Braveheart fight scenes are the best, for what appears to be real tough stuff. This movie has one big opening cracker battle, with forests on fire and an earthy feel. The best fights for me however are the ones in the colloseum, of which one involves a couple of tigers. It's simply great stuff to watch. The acting in this film is also really good. Everyone seems perfectly cast, and I think Russell deserved his oscar. I'm also a massive fan of Djimon Hounsou, who plays Juba, his coloured comrade. If you haven't seen Amistad, do it, as he gives one of the best performances of the last 30 years in that, and still managed not to get a gong. Plodder.
The music is quite simply up there with the best movie soundtracks of all time, and it fits the film perfectly. The track during the big main colloseum battle is awesome, and the music at the end gets heart strings tingling all round. Did I mention the music at all? It's brilliant. Lock in the score by Hans Zimmer, it comes recommended by me, that's for sure.

Favourite Scene: The scene where Max delivers his killer speech to Waq is my favourite scene, as I love memorable speeches, and to me, this is one. He also sounds like he is nursing a cold, which adds raw realism. Here's a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkN8Yx7p9H8

Favourite Line: This comes before the big battle at the start for me, in the misty forest the romans are ready to rock, all be it a select few who get a spur from Max. He addresses them with:

Maximus: What we do in life.......echoes in eternity.

I think the only thing stopping this from a higher ranking is probably some slightly tedious political bits about Rome, although some people would love them I agree, and the opening scenes between the old emperor and Max do draw on a bit. None the less, this film is definately a hit with me, and one to savour in the collection.

The Big Lebowski - (7 / 10)

Director: Joel Coen

Starring: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, John Turturro

This movie is a rare breed. Normally, if a movie can contain one truly memorable character, it has done a successful job. This movie, however, has produced three of my favourite movie characters, in one clean sweep. 'The Dude', played by Jeff Bridges, is what most men want to be. He does no work, he seems to have money, drinks a lot, and hangs with his mates all the time, talking crap, and just being generally lazy. 'Walter', played by John Goodman, is an ex army nut, who thinks nothing of pulling a gun during a league bowling match because he thinks 'Smokey', may have crossed the line! Genius film making. Finally, 'The Jesus', played by John Turturro, is pretty hard to describe. He is like nobody else I have seen in movies, and you will have to see the film to hear some of his great lines, and even better outfits.

The plot basically revolves around 'The Dude' having the sirname Lebowski. Some hitmen come after him, although they are chasing the wrong Lebowski, and have him confused with some millionaire, whose daughter is in a whole lotta trouble. In the scene where the daughter meets 'The Dude', she offers him a blowjob for $1000. Dudes answer, "I need a cash machine". Did I mention I love this film?
In a convoluted unfolding of events, which involve ten pin bowling matches against freaks, a marmot, kidnapping, a case of mistaken identity and a large amount of white russians, the film remains highly watchable throughout. I think it also benefits from more than one viewing, and benefits even more if you watch it with mates, after some beers. The only real reason this film was given 7/10 is because of some odd dreamy sequences, which were a bit slow in parts, and seemed at times, unnecessary.

Favourite Scene: This, for me, is the scene involving 'The Jesus', after finding his league game has been switched to a wednesday, because Walter won't roll on the saturday, because it's the Jewish day of rest. Only in a movie this crazy, could this make sense. Here is a link to the scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umc0MCB9VyA


Favourite Line: During a standard bowling match.

Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
Walter: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.

This film truly rocks, I recommend it to everyone to at least see once, although it's definately not everyone's cup of tea. Strange it most certainly is, along with original and rib tickling. Always remember.......The Dude abides.......

Movie Reviews

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