Greendoor

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

The Damp Sock

This story involves four men, two women, a sock, and an event that will live in the memory for a while.
Going back a few years, a mate of mine had four aussie fellas staying with him for a weekend. With plenty of tourist options for them to do in the city, they instead piled into a plethora of pubs, oozing in the local clubs, and getting a feel for the english saturday night out. After singing their national anthem on a table and being chased out with pool cues, they went to the main city nightclub and adorned their dancing hooves. The dancefloor was on fire, and two lucky soldiers managed to pick up a member of the opposite sex. Aussies are not normally this fussy however. They all left the club at kick out time and did the ritualistic events of taxi's, kebabs and looking for places that sold more drink. In failing on option three, they headed back to the house they were staying at, as it contained some form of dodgy overseas whiskey, which tasted like a domestic cleaning product from Botswana. Anyway......everything was rosy at this stage. After spending some time in the lounge, they all decided the central heating was warmer than a camels saddle, and some people removed their shoes and socks for extra comfort. The two lone rangers went up to their room, the other 'pick up pilot' went with his good lady to his room, which left the man in question, in the lounge, with his good lady.
Needless to say, they were getting along great, she loved Neighbours and he loved Corry. Before he could say 'no', he was being plummeted into an act of fornication, after having his hands in the fishbowl, and the friction between them was not dissimilar to that which had been witnessed on the dancefloor, some 4 hours earlier. As their ravenous session came to a close, the antipodean needed somewhere to locate his ambrosia cream custard, as he was in no position to become a father. He grabbed the closest thing that looked amiable, one of his mates socks that was lying near the tv. How nice of him.
After a good nights sleep of about 3 hours, people came downstairs in dribs and drabs. The other girl from upstairs being one of them, announced that the two girls had to leave in five minutes. Some rushing around woke everyone, and they were all back in the lounge again. To cut a short story long, the aussie fella couldn't wait to see his mates face when he took his damp sock away from near the tv. However, his face went somewhat purple when he watched his 'girl' pick up the said garment, as it was hers all the time. The next 30 seconds was one of the most cringe worthy in his life as he saw the poor girls face as her hoof hit the thread. He wanted to be somewhere else. He couldn't say anything, he knew that she knew what had happened, but she remained silent, slowly wriggling her toes through what must have felt like an otters pocket.
Needless to say, after they had gone the lad told all the guys the story immediately, and it remained the laughter point of the weekend, and well beyond. Is it bad to find this amusing? I do not know.

The Big Lebowski - (7 / 10)

Director: Joel Coen

Starring: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, John Turturro

This movie is a rare breed. Normally, if a movie can contain one truly memorable character, it has done a successful job. This movie, however, has produced three of my favourite movie characters, in one clean sweep. 'The Dude', played by Jeff Bridges, is what most men want to be. He does no work, he seems to have money, drinks a lot, and hangs with his mates all the time, talking crap, and just being generally lazy. 'Walter', played by John Goodman, is an ex army nut, who thinks nothing of pulling a gun during a league bowling match because he thinks 'Smokey', may have crossed the line! Genius film making. Finally, 'The Jesus', played by John Turturro, is pretty hard to describe. He is like nobody else I have seen in movies, and you will have to see the film to hear some of his great lines, and even better outfits.

The plot basically revolves around 'The Dude' having the sirname Lebowski. Some hitmen come after him, although they are chasing the wrong Lebowski, and have him confused with some millionaire, whose daughter is in a whole lotta trouble. In the scene where the daughter meets 'The Dude', she offers him a blowjob for $1000. Dudes answer, "I need a cash machine". Did I mention I love this film?
In a convoluted unfolding of events, which involve ten pin bowling matches against freaks, a marmot, kidnapping, a case of mistaken identity and a large amount of white russians, the film remains highly watchable throughout. I think it also benefits from more than one viewing, and benefits even more if you watch it with mates, after some beers. The only real reason this film was given 7/10 is because of some odd dreamy sequences, which were a bit slow in parts, and seemed at times, unnecessary.

Favourite Scene: This, for me, is the scene involving 'The Jesus', after finding his league game has been switched to a wednesday, because Walter won't roll on the saturday, because it's the Jewish day of rest. Only in a movie this crazy, could this make sense. Here is a link to the scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umc0MCB9VyA

Favourite Line: During a standard bowling match.

Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
Walter: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.

This film truly rocks, I recommend it to everyone to at least see once, although it's definately not everyone's cup of tea. Strange it most certainly is, along with original and rib tickling. Always remember.......The Dude abides.......