Weight Loss

During the good ole summer of 05, an annonymous colleague excelled himself with a cavalcade of well nurtured abuse aimed at a member of the opposite sex.
Twas a bleak morning at 2am, and the nightclub was kicking out the local pond life onto the esplanade. Our group of lads was minding their own business, which is quite rare, and the air was still. Suddenly, our peace was broken by a herd of clatty beasts, who descended upon our concrete turf, and their leader, who can only be described as 'Mel Smith in a wig', plundered her way forward. My colleague at this point had parked his highway on a wall for some much needed post club rest.
She crept subtely nearer, the concrete writhing in pain beneath her kankles. "Oi", she cried......"You lot know where the nearest chinese is?" We all stood like statues, nobody wanting to converse with this minatour. A voice from the wall behind me slithered out as he stood to confront the unamed species. "My dear, I do believe that a chinese is in fact the last thing that your body requires right now". With this, there was no comeback, no launch of verbals and no help from her mates, who watched like grazing wilderbeast. Instead, she planted a haymaker slap on the side of his face which echoed around the entire esplanade. People within 500 metres were wincing. It was bellyaches all round for the group of lads, which made it worse for the poor girl. The slap hurt, yes, of course.......but the moral of the story is the truth hurts, and that fat people can really hit hard when cornered about their weight.